ORCS!
by Dusk Lullaby
Summary: Legsie is a striper, Argorn is mommy, Sam and frodo have a titanic love fest and gandalf's wise words will warm your heart. or your toes. whatever.


Gandalf : We must place our hope in men.

Elrond : Men ... Men are WEAK ! and repulsive . Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague. And we are... the cure.

The hobbits : We wanna go home ! whaaaaaa

Aragorn : I am Isildur's heir . I fear falling to the power of the evil ring just like Isildur did. Curse genetics !

Arwen : Who needs Isildur when you've got me ?

Aragorn: You're right . MMMM SMOOCH SMOOCH

Peter Jackson : People , i mean er.. Elves , i would like to keep this PG 13 !

----------------------------------LATER ON------------------------------------

Elrond: MR. ANDER- er um I mean…. Hi . Welcome to my SECRET council. Check out this really cool ring Frodo brought for show and tell !

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH !

Borimir : I want that ring !

: No we must destroy it . (whispers) Its,..EViL (rocks back and forth)

Legsie : What he said !

Gandalf : Shut up Legsie .

Gimli : Even though i am in a city of elves and eating elf food , i shall still insult elves ! eLv3z SuX0rZzzz !

Everyone : YOU ALL SUCK !

Frodo : Except me . I shall take the ring then , coz I saw it first , tough luck !

Gandalf : You need directions to Mordor . I'm coming along !

Aragorn : I need to impress my girlfriend's Dad . I'm coming along !

Legsie : What he said !

Gimli : You don't have a girlfriend , you spineless loser !

Borimir: I know i have expressed symptoms of falling to the Ring's power , but I'll win you an Oscar if you let me come !

Sam Merry Pippin: And even though we're slow , unwise and helpless , you're going to let us come too! So, where are we going?

Elrond: ugh Hobbits are a virus….. it looks like my SECRET council wasn't so secret after all . Even though this is a team of rookies topped off with a man who i know wants to use the ring for his own purpose , i will still let the fate of Middle Earth rest upon you . I shall call you Party of Nine . Oh i am so wise ...

The party of nine : we're off to see the wizard!

legsie: ORCS !

Legsie: MORIA !

Aragorn: Black birdies! Oops forgot to watch the weather report today.

Legsie: MORIA !

Aragorn: ROHAN ! I love all the little ponies! . I love then gooood!

Legsie: ORCS !

Frodo: This sucks . The ring sucks . I suck . My life sucks . WHY ME ?

gandalf: Shit happens . Get over it .

Pippin: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH !

Bucket: CRASH BOOM BANG ooooooooops .

gandalf: YOU FOOL OF A TOOOOOOOOK! …I wonder what that means….

Everyone: RUN…AWAAAAAY !

Orks: AARRRR ! GRRR GROWWWLLL SNARLLL HISSS !

Everyone: AHHH! OTHER WAY, OTHER WAY!

Legsie: ORCS ! Twang twang twang .

Orks: Clang Clang Clang

Sound fx: errr... fizz bang ? teehee it rhymed!

Frodo: AAAA i'm dead !

Gandalf: YES….THE RING IS MINE! mwhahahaa!

Frodo: Oh wait…… i'm not . Haha gotcha !

Gandalf: Damn it ! you can ignore that last statement…

Legsie: ORCS !

: WE KNOW !

legsie: ORCS !

Gimli: No, stupid , that's Michael jackson.

Galadriel: Weeeeeellcccooommmeee tooooo Looooorriiiiieeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Gimli: Woah , that is one HOT elf drools

Galadriel: Hey Frodo , wanna see something real cool ?

Frodo: It's ... a ... bed pan! WickEd!

Galadriel: But just add water and it's the Mirror of Galadriel ! Have a look , first 3 minutes is toll-free.

Frodo: I don't see anything ... wait ! I see... Sam ! Merry and Pippin ! The Shire ! But... it's burning ... why ?

Galadriel: It shows you what will happen if you fail this quest ….thing. Neat eh ?

Frodo: And Sauron takes over Middle Earth... Sam ! He's enslaved in chains ! Noooo ! I must not let this happ- WOAAAH , Legsie looks HOT in there !

Galadriel: After Sauron takes over Mirkwood he is forced to become a stripper at the prancing pony . But that's not the point here . I'm trying to tell you , Seany beany is going to take the ring from you !

Frodo: Uhuh , so what else is new . I knew that like ... 2 minutes into the movie.

Galadriel: You mock me ! Give me the ring!

Frodo: No offense , but , green makes you look puffy .

Galadriel:(gasp) I past the stupid test! Lets see what the other witch elves have to say about me now! …. Oh here, have some glowy stuff.

Legsie: ORCS !

Gimli: AAAAA! SCREAM AND RUN IN CIRCULS

Legsie: OOooRRcs…???!?!?

Gimli: I know , SHUT UP ALREADY!

Borimir: Hey twerp , gimme the ring or i'll make lembas out of you.

Frodo: (screams) RAPIST RAPIST! (slaps at seamy)

Bormir: I KEEEEL YOU !

Frodo: Muummyyy ! puts on ring and goes into an evil nirvanna

Borimir: Oh i'm so sorry Frodo , FRODO ! Where are you ? I didn't mean it !

Pippin: WHERE IS FRODO ? …….. …. WHERES BOROMIR ?

Legsie: ORCS !

Merry and pippin: HELP !

Borimir: Heeerreeee i commmeee to saveee the daayyyy ! superhero music

Urukia: GRRRR GROWL …

Arrow: TWANG

Borimir: It's just a flesh wound ! BRAVEHEAAAARRRTT !

Arrows: TWANG TWANG TWANG !

Borimir: Ouch ooh ahhhhh…. er. . Well , even if i die , you will never have my Oscar !

Urukia: But we can take your halflings !

Merry and pippin: Bye seany beany ! We'll send you a postcard !

Aragorn: I'm here to kick butt and chew lembas .Eat crap and die , You Uruk-dork!

Urukia: GRRR GROWL TWANG AAAAAAA ! You stabbed my ass! Crap that's the end of me . Can i have my pay check now?

Legsie: ORCS ! Oh wait , that's seany beany

Borimir: My Captain

Aragorn: Will you just die ! The audience's asses are starting to hurt .

Borimir : My KING !ramble mutter stab stab FRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOMMMM! Alright i'm done ! Gimme my Oscar now !

Gimli: The Fellowship has failed. Boromir is dead. kill joy

Legsie: Okay cool , let's chuck him over the waterfall now . Wheeeeeeeeeeee !

Frodo: Row row , row your boat , gently down the stream ... hey isn't that Seany beany in that boat heading for the waterfall ? Hmm... guess he didn't get that Oscar after all.

Sam: ROSE !

Frodo: Go back Jack !

Sam: No ! GLUB GLUB GLUB CANT SWIM GLUB GLUB GLUB

Frodo: JACK !

Sam: ROSE !

Sam: Never let go! sob

Sam/frodo: (hug)

Aragorn :um……O.o……lets worry about the homos later…... lets go kick some ork ass ! . whhheeeeeee!

Gimli Legsie: wOOt!

Aragorn: alright men. All of you stay here while I go round up some dead guys. I'll be back at

0-800 hours. While I'm gone lay down heavy suppressive fire on those rocks.

Rohan man: why shoot rocks…..sir…?

Aragorn: so….that……um……because………I..uh have been getting a lot of lip from those rocks and…. We don't need ROCKS as an enemy!...heh heh heh YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! How dare you question a commanding officer?

Rohan man: ………………………………………………………

Aragorn:sorry,…I kind of lost my head there for a sec….Ok so onward I go!

Gimli/legsie: MommmIEEEE! Don't leave us! ((Legsie: I'm not changing gimli's diaper ever again!))

Aragorn:…ahhhhh, but you'll slow me down! … alright you can come, but promise to behave.

gimli: I'll behave!

Legsie: Me to! (fingers crossed)

**Inside the freaky cave-tunnel-thing.**

Dead peeps: We are the dead people! HAUNT FLOAT SCARE!


End file.
